Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Unlike Wine


Unlike wine, you will not improve with age,
left out to breathe, your darkness gathers.
I remember the first day you took my hand,
swept me from my feet down that darkened alley land,
to a life that was just outside my reach.
You a pied piper, I followed without even a peep.

You never saw my mind; I was staring at my feet.
In the darkness, the only light that shined was knee deep.
Across the room, my eyes wide, glimmered for someone I thought would shine.
I see the dark that circles you, your life, your time,
your eyes, and you sad with curiosity, how you wish you had no mind.
A push and pull stronger than the tide.

You didn’t even know I wanted you
lying ten feet by, with my face tilted to the side,
I watched you kiss my friend,
from under a table I heard the laughter I could not enjoy,
I rolled over, touched my lips to another boy.
You were a light that shone so bright into a moment dark in my life,
starving, lonely left out to rust.
I was a bit player on your stage never a walk on, no trust.

Your words drive me as crazy as the night I sat in back.
We drove up the canyon with those other two sad sacks.
Confused by what you were trying to do,
I saw you seduce the woman in the front seat
then hang out and be cool in the back. You failed at both.
Madness behind the wheel, in my mind, my thighs, my tries.
I never got out and walked; only let you drive.

I read your words upon the pages of your books,
clearly you say it, walk away while you can,
do not love this little boy pretending to be a man.
Poor communication, is more than a phrase,
it is the sign held up on the corner hoping to be paid.

First in queue of the faults that I have seen,
you sitting behind depravity hoping to be mean.
You the sensitive one, the poet the naïve,
all a mask for insecurity, a knack for preening
for the love and compassion you so desperately seek,
still every night alone is how you sleep.

Your vanity keeps you from showing-up
your time is not free. I have read and read your lines for days,
with never a quivering glimpse for me.
To you I am a toy tossed about when bored.
Shove me in the back of the closet;
hide me with your hoard, those girls from before.

I remember your voice, your timbre, the lilt and laughter that lit the room.
I came to my own conclusions of who you were
no matter who spoke of your doom.
Why am I a sucker for the word that you spread,
a language banquet so fresh and supple, and the feast you led?
I crave the magic of the page unfolding.

To see me, all it would take is a summons
I know will never come, just like you, always undone.
I never trusted you with my heart.
I sat there, held it in my hands; relishing your sermons,
you cried from the pulpit, thirsty, I playing my part.
I never drank the Kool-Aid, always a little too smart.

If you've fallen down you got up at least once



If you've fallen down
you got up at least once
do it again.
Tomorrow
free-style fall
sink or swim
still going down.

Oh Siouxsie make me swoon. . .



Sunrise breaks its fatal perfume
And I'm dizzy to distraction
The scented clutches of a siren's lament
Embrace the sound of enchantment

Five fathoms deep, the lovers leap
The lanterns of skin beckon us in
O Belladonna
Belladonna

Daylight devours your unguarded hours
Burnt and charred, this bride of scars
O Belladonna
Belladonna

Five fathoms deep, the lovers leap
The lanterns of skin beckon us in
O Belladonna
Belladonna

Nightfalls decent shrouds her intent
In a halo of sharks and a skeleton mask
O Belladonna

Lost in the glare, all of us stare
The patterns of pain, scream out your name
O Belladonna
Belladonna

Siouxsie & the Banshees - Belladonna

Monday, July 28, 2014

The Deep Blue

I want to wrap my toes around leviathans
let me drag on down to where I cannot swim
ride the currents of dark waves
find other creatures who hide in caves
shine on spectacular while I’m turning blue
shocking the rest who do not have a clue
of the darkness and heavy drama
of living mid-life and being your Momma.
Every day I carry, fear
that I will fuck it up, unclear
my head, my heart, this art
spins with worries that will not part.
My job to you comes first
give you my thirst for knowledge,
figure out how I will pay for college,
your brilliant mind amazes me
and your sassy mouth crazes me
no one else I would want to share
in your eyes who pierce with a stare
seeing all who are standing there
like me your dark edges begin to flare.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

See Through


River of light pour over me
bend as hands on strings
vibrations
pick me up let me shine
luster
particles highlighted by you
straighten me out dust me off
see through.

While I Slept


While I slept,
I dreamt of you
shaving cream remnants
your cheek
skin glistening
touching the raw
the newness of it all.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

dig in


I’ve found love refreshing and new
held it in my hands
up to the light
flawless
I’ve found love in mid-day heat
crisp on edge ready to fray
too much heat
cautious
I’ve found love canned on the shelf
dusty sealed still preserved
ready to be opened
wipe the grit
dig-in.


(Hello reader, how are you today? As you can see, not every poem can be perfect. Sometimes they just are)

Friday, July 25, 2014

The Lion In Midsummer Paces


Sit with me in the darkness while new moon gathers deep in Leo luxury
pretend fold-up chairs around fire pits are thrones for goddesses.
Call to the heavens for clarity of freedom to nurture and guide through this mid-life ride
that sways pulling at our sleeves like parent and child to scold to play
to lay down in the road
each path no clearer than before.


Let us call on the queen of the dark summer night and give thanks for this moonlight ride
carrying us onto the shores and banks of our lives, bless the sands that curl between toes
get caught under nails brought home placed on our hearth an altar of  night alone.
Be brave as we shift with gravity severity and sometimes just a touch of depravity
this thin line separating us from one who knows and one who goads.




(I knew you would read this one next, who are you reading me day-by-day?)

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Anybody knows you can conjur anything by the dark of the moon. . .


 
Suede, suede, suede
Suede, you always felt like suede
There are days I feel your twin
Peekaboo hiding underneath your skin
Jets are revving yes revving from a central source
And this has power over me, not because
You feel something or don't feel something for me
But because mass so big
It can swallow swallow her whole star intact
Call me evil call me tide is on your side
Anything that you want
Anybody knows you can conjure anything
By the dark of the moon
Boy, and if you keep your silent silencer on
You'll talk yourself right into a job
Out of a hole but into my bayou into my, my bayou
Suede
I'm sure that you've been briefed
My absorption lines, they are frayed and I fear
My fear is greater than my faith
But I walk the missionary way
You always felt like suede
There are days I am your twin
Peekaboo hiding underneath your skin
Jets are revving, yes, revving from an ether twist
Call me evil call me tide is on your side
Anything that you want
Anybody knows you can conjure anything
By the dark of the moon
Boy, and if you keep your silent silencer on
You'll talk yourself right into a job
Out of a hole but into my bayou into my, my bayou
Suede
Oh little sister and I hope you didn't feel that way
Oh little sister I'm glad you came and I said
Oh little sister I hoped you wouldn't feel that way
Oh little sister, oh again and I said
Oh little sister I hoped you didn't feel that way
Oh I'm still glad you came, I said
Oh little sister I wished you didn't feel that way
Oh little girl I'd do the same
Oh little sister I hoped you wouldn't feel that way
Oh I said, I wished, oh little sister, you'll forgive me one day
You'll forgive me one day
Suede

Tori Amos - Suede

Sweetest Decline


She weaves secrets in her hair
The whispers are not hers to share.
She's deep as a well.
She's deep as a well.

Another day wastes away,
And my heart sinks with the sun.
A new day's dawning,
And a new day has not yet begun.

So anyway,
There I was
Just sitting on your porch
Drinking in the sweetest decline.
The sweetest decline.
Sober mind

What's the use in regrets
They're just things we haven't done yet.
What are regrets?
They're just lessons we haven't learned yet.

Another day draws away,
And my heart sinks with the sun.
It's like catching snow on my tongue.
It's like catching snow on my tongue.

So anyway,
There I was
Just sitting on your porch
Drinking in the sweetest decline.
The sweetest decline.
Sober mind

What are regrets?
What are regrets?
They're just lessons we haven't learned yet.
It's like catching snow on your tongue.
You can't pin this butterfly down.
Can't pin this butterfly down.

Beth Orton - Sweetest Decline

Close Your Eyes to Go Home

Close your eyes to go home
grandparents gone to the other side
the only way home is through the mind’s eye.
Cross over the fence to geraniums and limes
climb wooden steps into light
walk into laps always inviting
sip OJ and coffee while they're busy lighting
Winston’s and Cigarillos to start their day
grandpa makes eggs and toast to keep hunger away
No memories of mother she’s gone, father’s asleep
from working all night just to make ends meet.
So young feet dangle in their seat.


Full of love and food jump down to go home
flip on PBS read with the clowns and gnomes
lay quietly in the closet-bed where you sleep
count the baby dolls that line the wall to keep
one eye in dream land one eye awake
waiting for the moment to say
“Good morning daddy, look what I can do.”

Rise and shine to ride on the engine block
big green van lumbers on the 405 to the 10, traffic locked
all the way deep into the barrio full of color and despair.
Scent of citrus and roses hangs in the air,
chain link fence hides a magic land
brick colored concrete steps lead to a wrought iron gate
like a castle the windows and doors are barred from fate
step over the threshold and be home.

Nostrils wide, head is a love filled dome
smell the pine-sol and chile as it wafts through the air
feel the crackle of plastic underfoot, bare
follow it like a trail home
cocina bright with bleached white tiles, table scrubbed
inviting to eat.
And love comes to feed in the shape of abuelita so sweet
soft as powder, smacking cinnamon gum, enveloping with hugs
until you’re so full, all done.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Darling Boy


No matter what I think of when I dream it is you who floods my mind upon waking
my dear boy, sweet child solitary spirit sometimes locked in a void
what a tremendous task I have been blessed with in being your mother
your life line your nurturer.

I swoon with love and quiver with fear as I watch you grow
now with subtle signs of manhood cresting from the height and weight of your being
I hold you tighter wanting to impart on you every last gift I can
before I release into the world to be a man.

All the while, I know I cannot teach you some of the finest details you need
in your bubble of intellect, confusion and necessity I do not know
who can find the key that unlocks your heart to find you darling boy
the one that I always see.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Nothing to See


You think you know me because you hear
something in these lines
that makes you think you have an idea of my mind
the workings are not as simple as you might be dear.
I come in layers that unfold in honesty
what you see is a millisecond of my journey
a flash of memory, feeling, pain
does not gain you access into this brain.
I am versed in the ways of my mind
I have traversed walls larger than you in my time
on this planet I am miniscule
but while here I refuse to be a tool
to you or anyone who thinks they can wield with might
a sword, a word, a body, a fool.
You had better hold on tight
my words have weight and meaning that might
air more than grievances with you in delight
I can turn a phrase faster than your eyes blink
even in my sleep I always think twice.


I Want to Feel


I want to feel vibrations in my hand
I want to know exactly where I stand
with you the wave comes by day and night
time to restore the balance take a bite
out of life my feet carry me to the next plane
of existence.


I question the drive the main
resistance to my woos and come on
get going before this life is gone
bye and bye I am drawn
Like water Into the abyss.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Verging on Lunacy

Cracked
broken into compartments
always thinking
which would be the better path
pull people in
unsuspecting fools
talk a good game of clarity
it is make-believe.


Fringed
View from the edge,
see panoramas through pinholes
eyes like wind, blow over flesh
pushed back.
Skirt secrets, see truth
verging on lunacy
retreat underground.

Depraved
Mastermind crimes through sleep
blueprints stitched in quilts
wool scores
pulled over eyes
to reach peaceful tides
slip between realms
wake-up singing.






Freed

 
 
When I dance my spirit releases
freed
from the chassis that is my flesh.

she delivers onto the surface of my skin                       
life.

Sweat glistens with site and smell.
Sharp,
shining to tell the world she is here.
The electricity rises from my toes
a wave,
a shudder, swirling like tongue in mouth.

Bursting through to the ends of my hair
my fingers possessed
with shape of languages lost.
 
 
 
 


Image courtesy of edisposti.wordpress.com
The Whirling Dervishes of West London


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Frail

Every blow pushes against my flesh
I am the body and the coffin
of the death of my youth.
I went from vivacious to viral in one second,
I looked up
there was youth stepping through the door.
I should step away from the keys
hide away
accept defeat
count my blessings
and everything else I am told to feel
by you, by them, by the voice pounding within.
All I’ve got is this pop life to pretend
floating in circles in the moat of my head
round and round until I am dead.
No more heart palpations
secret hoping to pretend
no more confidences to hold in hushes
no more first times for anything.
My tears are the mark of the beast
vanity streaked with folly
I tried to convince myself to drive off that bridge
but I even fail at drama.


Your Iconic Imagery


 
 
 
Your iconic imagery catches in my throat and chokes me
heavy laden with twisted notions of pornographic patriarchy
I try to turn away, drawn in as steel shavings to a magnet
caught in the wave of energy with every twist attracted
despite sharp edges, splinters and spools, thrashed against
this fence that separates my mind from you, holes peek through.

Friday, July 18, 2014

I do not understand many of my fellow humans,
why must we continue the disconnection of self
from mind from body from spirit? I in you in me
and so these words catch my ear
"I think we've all lost the way
Forlorn somnambulistic maniacal
In the dark"


I need my conscience to keep watch over me
To protect me from myself
So I can wear honesty like a crown on my head
When I walk into the promised land

We've been too long American dreaming
I think we've all lost the way
Forlorn somnambulistic maniacal
In the dark

I'm in love with an American girl
Well, she's my best friend
I love her surreptitious smile
That hides the pain within her

And we'll go dancing in the rings of laughter
And leave alone by the shores
Feel alone in the brands of rapture
And leave alone for the loss

Yeah, on the lea the rising wind blows
Yeah, on the lea the rising wind blows
How long? How long?

Here alone on the grounds of allegiances
We've left behind
Turned back by the foot of the doorway
Never lost and found

We've been too long American dreaming
I think we've all lost the heart
Forlorn somnambulistic maniacal
In the dark

Yeah, on the lea the rising wind blows
Yeah, on the lea the rising wind blows
How long? How long?
 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Invisible Space Between


I am a holy trinity
held by invisibles seams
sex, love, peace
for then, for now, for me
Gossamer cradle hold me
spin me round
dangle one lean piece
tuck the others inside
feel the teeth sink in
hard against the soft of my skin
sheer webs leave nowhere to hide.




Photo courtesy of http://ashcreationsbypanda.blogspot.com

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Inaction

I wander around late at night like an old drunk
reminiscing on what could have been
spinning with inaction.

Turn back

Reactions are retractions of physical desire
Walk back, latch the gate
Stick with the lairs
Last night I awoke with the clarity of a child.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Reflect, Reject, Reset

All this time I was searching
looking for myself through you
never understanding why
I would only find half-truths.


Easier to look across
than turn to face the mirror
taking cues from strangers words
losing my instinct to bleed.

I stepped-off the bus dancing,
I was free, a renegade
a vivid pagan queen.
My thoughts were all I would need.

I see myself reflection,
I almost let you shape me
into a quip, a jester
like your simple small town cool.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

A sketch

Always one-step too far
no wonder you run.
All the pain I can take
shoved into this cave
dark red caked with dread.
To leave and be forgotten
my biggest fear.
Reach me here
reach far and never look back
to do so would cause the haze
to grow around this splendor.
One word is all it took for me
to find the irresistibility of freedom,
the heat rising from below,
my toes tingle when the bottom drops out.
Sin, friend cut the stitches clean
lap the wound make it bleed.
Tear the top off my head
release the power
fuck the dread.
Wave upon wave
and the only relief is my bed.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Path of the Least


Ubiquitous dream why do you chase me,
your face finds me in the path of least resistance,
in the darkness I never let my guard down
I know you will be there,
approach my face with violence - screams
found the hole in my armor –
 forced your fingers in, my sting of defeat.


I am causation, blame
I walk along the top of the wire, avoid
the marvelous majesty below
chance brings unknown trouble, strangers,
walk through the world feeling immune
our western survival is avoidance
rival -  keep your eye on the prize
look down.


Prescribe to television
go live, downplay the violence
perpetuated among this chaos
our world crumbles, the animals in strife
whisper to save us, you are unknowable – unseen
My toes, a bloody pulp – yours pristine
I side-step your core of insanity
confounded by your rules, colors bleed.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Speak Brave and True to Hold This Love


My steady rock, I see you work, back bent.
Your investment, your love paid in life hours.
Day to day we wake, we work, we make, dream.
We touch in tender knowing you and me
on this journey. My dear love tender,
true, unending unwavering, thankless.
In your silence, you embrace me in love.
Hold me through my tremors of confusion.
Sweep me off my feet
when bricks of pain threaten to shake me loose of this mortal form.
Dive with me into an ocean of tears
tempt to drown in attempts to save.
Step away when asked
come near by knowing, this vessel, my sound, my smell, my growing.
Speak brave and truth to hold this love
tightly wound and slack for expansion.
Over rivers of tears carried my burden,
lay with me in rivers and lakes.

 

Trail Ways


 I was a seeker – looked for everything, wanted
stared into the sun, at the moon, your eyes
I held tight to a vision – love – vitality
creativity thrived in me, through you, the universe.
I walked miles up mountains, through canyons long forgotten
cried upon boulders, along rivers – alone
I knew I lost each piece of my broken heart to you.
I dropped my pack along the river shore with great release
I became a feather.


I missed connections along the trail
unavailable to take my call, make the appointment
meet me at the agreed upon location.
That night I dreamt of mountain lions
calling for me in the distance
circling the edges – stalking my body,
rattlesnakes reaching into my bed
I awoke – visions of you again
across the country, the ocean, my bed
eye to eye we giggled
whispered dreams, carved out visions – futures.

Left to my own devices I faltered
never reached you – only reached out
found the nearest trestle, wound my fingers tight
cut short my freedom
anchored me before I drifted
my soul brimmed with love, unclaimed
stretched full, it carried me on the jet stream
as a hawk I soared, circled above
higher than I had ever been
stared upon the backs below
wings billowed - why didn't you call?

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

In the Stacks

Today I looked for you in the library
I looked for you 001 002.
I thought maybe a 235 with a 266
But maybe this is just 398.2
You know 115, 114, 116 with the stuff of 135.
So then I wandered over to 741.5 hoping to find you
And finally settled at 811-817,
There, I found myself.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Lies, It's What's for Dinner


If you buy every dish they offer you, with sugar-dipped spoon shoved to your mouth,
your mind will be as soft as your middle, not hollow but filled with junk and shit,
too round to see your feet let alone be grounded.
If you believe the writing in the sky, your eyes will burn from too much light,
the lies blinding you to see beyond, a universe anew.
I am becoming a non-consumer of commercials and quips so cute.
Put away your kittens, your children in negligees, I am giving myself something real to sink my teeth into.
I am turning away from your buffet of limited choices to my own banquet of thought.
I do not need your stale Jesus on toast for the universe is always fresh, with ideas and magic, robust.

My mind has become stiff with entropy, stuck in GMO corn-syruped ideas
wrought with plagues of ambition for the filthy rich,
and you, you sit there grinning like you know the truth while the chickens noose is climbing your shoulder. It’s you who’s next buddy, winner winner, don’t eat that shit for dinner.

Wage a war on what’s left of your mind, push away from the table, like a stubborn child,
gag at what they offer you, show your disgust, fight for the smidgen of independence
left in your soul, travel abroad on your palate, learn new flavors, disgusting or serene,
take a new bite.