Friendship

Friendship:

The roots that bind our lives together in the garden of community.          
      

This past year I have declared over and over that I shall practice being a better friend and though I think I still have plenty of room for improvement the interesting thing that I've discovered is that the more I expect stellar friendship from myself, the more I expect it from others. As I sit comfortably in my mid-thirties I am no longer interested in a fling of friendship; the fair weather friend who blows in on a breeze of a party or concert, billows along through a season and then disappears. Nor do I want the friend whom is merely an acquaintance till fate happens upon us in their moment of need or huge life shift where-in I help, counsel, guide and listen to, only to be dropped like a hot potato the moment the light shines upon the horizon or I say something too real, revealing or in contrast to what they want vs. what they need.

In this mid-point of life I am looking for others like myself who are not afraid of commitment, who are ready and willing to roll-up their sleeves and get dirty in the muck and debris which is our thick and lively lives. I am seeking friends  who will throw the compost my way and ask me to take a look at my own shit and are willing to accept the same from me. I have a handful of beautiful wonderful ladies and one very long term gent who meets this criteria over and over again. Some, like my BBFF (Best Boy Friend Forever), have stuck through the thick of it, as I with them, to weed though our tumultuous teens and 20's (and lets face it half of the 30's) into the spring of life where our investments begin to bloom. These 20+ year friendships are as strong and solid as a cement garden gnome. That is not to say that some in this oldest circle are still in the midst of turmoil and an unstable foundation which keeps them from planting roots and shoots.

Recently, I have formed a bond with a circle of ladies whom I think will be forever friends. In the time that we have begun our friendship we have experienced life, death, divorce, graduations and (in this Winter) birth. One friend has been near and dear for eight years while others have gotten closer over the last year with one only jumping in now to flit away to the other side of the world by Christmas. These ladies are teaching me so much about friendship, love, acceptance, listening, sharing and laughing. They allow me to be all the pieces of who I am while leaving room for whom I shall become. I to want to give of my heart to them and share in my new found bounty of health, wealth and  independent fire, but I also meet them where they are and accept the choices they make. Well, for most of them anyway, but not for all. 

I recently discovered feelings inside myself which are new. One friend within this group is giving unclear signals as to her intentions. She is wavering like a sunflower in the wind with one foot on the run and the other trying to take root. In times past I would have accepted this and not kept an expectation of commitment, but in this new found arena I am perturbed at her unwillingness to commit to us ladies and I think it is an extension of her unwillingness to keep her commitment to her husband and family as her own mother broke her maternal commitment to her. Our love, openness, honesty, and acceptance is as uncomfortable to this friend as grass is to hay fever. We make her skin crawl in one instance and yet when the sun is shining we are the first place she seeks out to lay her head and rest.Does she not know we are also a safe haven in downpours and windstorms? We are a solid group of ladies who plan to be together (if only in spirit at times) forever and still she casts us aside as easily as a dead leaf without seeing our nutrient rich value which only gets richer with time. When times get tough she runs away instead of near. Two of my friends react with concern, care, and a wait and see attitude while I (on the other hand) feel frustrated, spurned, and trepidation. Originally I offered care, concern and patience, but eventually it was so blatantly ignored that I stopped. In this time of friendship I deeply value my friends, but I have learned to value myself and my friendship more. I am not some cheap disposable bit of cellophane franken-food with no nutritional or return value to our community. I will not give of myself to someone who does not care or see it as something special. I am an organic heirloom seed to be stored, planted, fed, nurtured, tended, harvested, enjoyed and replanted for later times. We are all that special. But, we must view ourselves as such and expect that others do as well. I have tended to my friend offered her roots compost, water, food and light, but it has been met with expectations of more without growth and without a blessing of thanks for the care that I have offered. And so, at this point I will not tend this patch of garden anymore until the roots take hold and the stems begin to thrive on their own for I garden out of love of earth and the bounty that I will receive which enables me to share with others.