A Rocky Point on the Horizon

When I was a young girl of twelve I discovered my first hidden world
in a moment of panic, running
from addict step-father, broken-down mother, dead father,
cut-ties, a life of elimination, I climbed through barbed wire,
crossed horses grazing on grass laden hills
saw the place where I could play pretend. 

A rocky point on the horizon, I reached, crossing more fences
before they found me, I climbed, higher than ever,
crossed the property line of others,
hoped for grace instead of gunshots,
I climbed as wind and sun hit my face, chapped my cheeks –
I was afraid to speak until out of earshot,
afraid of hands that might not stop.

The rocks were porous, colored like my skin, sun kissed,
tan and rosy, purple in the darkest places,
the rough surface grabbed my fingers, buoyed my toes,
I climbed, precarious I saw no way down,
any way off, and I had to create
my only keys to peace – an assemblage of balance.

When I reached the top the skies opened up like the tears from my eyes,
the words from my mouth created the shudder of my shoulders,
I climbed that last boulder and screamed.
Released shame guilt, pain, love with no output -
I cursed time, god, my mother, all of it –
who would leave a child of 10 on her own accord,
weighed by the gravity of the world.

I stayed upon that mountain face, until sun shadows grew long then gone,
I stayed for fear of repercussions, cruel discussions,
dissections of my damage, all that was wrong in my world.
I stayed until I could see no way down
convinced myself there was no way around, this life
prayed to gods of rock and sky -
lift me up, give me the vast strength to live through this life.

Pink skies twisted violet, I felt around, made my way down,
crept along shadows, hoped to beat the car coming back from town
hoped to hold the power of the heavens in my crown
prayed for the strength of my hiding place
kept the rock face near, strong enough to deflect my tears
held the light of the sky as I crept in
blocked sin with down cast eyes.