Stardust Kisses with Vehement Kindness

The words bite down upon my tongue.
They hold me still to keep from pouring forth
upon my chin,
to find my sleeves
rolling across my hand to place upon your cheek,
visions which cannot be.
In another life with you,
I would run to any corner of sunlight
plant roots of freedom,
grow my soul full of nourishment
love, a bounty of joy.
Ten years ago, who would know
of a boy growing into a man
as I sat holding babe to breast
already my heart heavy in desperate protest,
pinned upon my skin.
A tag of remorse, found in lost discourse,
projected in shadows thrown
a universe never known
explode into my soul,
stardust kisses with vehement kindness.
Lay me down upon the ground
release from me the moan,
love like lava,
of a woman who has known
burns with gouged paths in her wake.
Consuming all, she takes.
Destroyed to the barest elements
kisses make land to harbor where once
there was only sea.

Embedding Seeds

Traversing over the rubble of my shattered world
I sought not perfection,
but a clearing on which to perch,
a look out for a new horizon,
I willed myself to harness what remained
turning rubble into a fertile valley
embedding seeds along the edges,
heaving others into crevices
hoping to push back the weeds,
willing life to come back and live.

The Poison, the Antidote, the Source

If I were to fade from the picture of your life
would all that you are missing arise,
iridescent holograms framing the edges
opening your eyes in my absence -
treasures abound - the girl across the room
aligned to your vision, looking at you like I do,
shimmering with adoration, just wishing,
she hopes for your unending affection -
beauty, youth unscathed and open to prosper?

With weathered hands I hold veiled and fragile
the strings of your life rouged and plump
exuberant glowing, esoteric riches, fresh
inflating with anticipation of what is yet to come,
squeezed by my pain, the unending weighted mind
pushing down upon you, cutting the circulation,
slicing, I add to the burden of your cart
lumbering down the road torn from over use,
travelable, salvageable, lifted by honesty.

I am the poison, the antidote, the source
secluded timeworn woman, wandering
shadowed sorceress abound in splendor
simultaneous reverie innovator
lapping vitality openly from the marrow,
constructing foundations of power surges
electrifyingly unpredictable predecessor
lighting unforeseen paths and means
soothing burns created by me.

Fifteen

The summer of fifteen,
we were girls in the budding summer night
all set loose upon the piers and boardwalks
southern California sunset filled eyes,
clothes fashioned and festooned from piles thrown
upon flowered quilts, we sprang, romantic
notions of boys soft kisses in our heads
uncomfortably embracing new skin
buds and bounties catching the eyes of men
given the simple task, stay together,
be safe, have fun, and meet back at midnight.
Left in the safekeeping of a cousin
barely old enough to enter the bars
we traipsed across rails and ran along walls,
hoping to turn heads, returning cat calls
edges softened by years of rural life
in one moment I forgot, lost my place
I made a choice, spoke my voice with my life
my safety net ripped off as if by knife.

He was a man, let that be totally clear
a man in his late twenties and I was
one month into fifteen, only a girl.
He asked for a ride, he knew of a bar
whispered to his friend, got in, touched my knee
 in the back of my friend's cousin's new car
my other  friend, blinded by jealousy,
dropped us on the corner, left on my own
if I should so choose to go any nearer.
I went, thinking I could handle my own
I chose not to drink, wanted to be clear
started to feel worried, wanted to leave.
I started walking towards the parking lot
the man followed in a weave, watching me
I tried to appease; hiding wobbly knees
 spoke to an appetite I didn’t know.
He leaned in with sour breath and blind eye
tongue to throat, grabbed and took a bite of me
grabbed my hair, pulled back.

He shoved my other hand, into his pants
I was only fifteen, unfamiliar
I felt scared and ready to leave,  alone
I started walking, grown man beside me,
I ducked and dived, kept fast talking of home
he tried pulling – down alleys, against walls
I kept feet moving in forward or reverse.
We reached the boardwalk, ahead I saw lights
felt the nearing close comfort of my friends
redirected words and action to school
reminders of my age, my innocence,
it was then I was pulled and led away
dragged by my hand then wrist across the sand
far from the light,  the night devoured me.
Pushed down, shouting to his humanity
remind him where I was supposed to be
as each grain of sand devoured my soul
engraved my skin and penetrated me
I kept on shouting “I’m only fifteen!”

It was a flawed attempt, filling the air
screams drowned-out by the oceans crashing waves
shoved head to the ground, swallowed whole by him.
That night I thought only of survival,
 of protecting my piercing beating heart.
I got up, lowered my skirt, turned to walk
kept fast talking, one step ahead, he followed,
he hollered, caught up and demised a plan
to meet again, he grabbed me threw an arm
over my shoulder, I cowered he spoke,
I wanted to vomit, I could not stop
one foot in front of another, safety
more powerful than any blank comment.
My friend’s eyes said it all, recorded my fall,
faulted by my choices made in my duress,
she never gave me a chance to express,
terrified moments left along the beach
the way in which my mind erased his face
for survivals sake  – I just walked away.

Stop Pointing That Gun at Your Foot Kid

A bad habit, another gross grab at
poisoning your spirit-self, have at it
just don’t include me in your equation -
a mass evasion of the truth
I’m not one to be tucked under and hidden
a reason to festoon,
a lesion in your season of doom.
While you unwrap your sticky treat,
sit around and beat your meat -
add another vestige to your thrown
a notch to adorn some invisible bone
picked clean from your teeth,
throwing around treasure
like its garbage to bemoan
keeping a blind eye on your home
letting all the ill will spill
from your left open window sill
believing in nothing but still
sleeping in the fairies ring.
Wake-up, it’s time to fill
your head with something more than smoke
be strong enough to bring it
the treasure that hides in you
some zenith astuteness in your dome
be brave enough to put roots in
stop pointing that  gun at your foot kid.

Navigating Bone Ships In the Night

Fragile specks of stardust moving through self-created time
with delicate cases we hold universes inside our rattling bones,
continually searching to find the arms of the ones we call home.
The cruelty of life is the very device which carries us here
translucent suitcase of blood and skin
we leave the same way we enter and begin
nowhere nearer to be clear, but if only for one brilliant moment
we might see answers reflected across dazzling nocturnal skies,
lucidity found deep within the echo of our lovers eyes.
We are fools navigating bone ships in the night
with nothing to guide us, we are blind in our flight -
spiraling flesh hurtling along the crust of a molten shell
amplifying the culpability of our own obliteration.
We fore tell the end quicker than recognizing that we even began
hiding the irreplaceability of our souls,
we refute what we intrinsically know.
Burying our fragility amongst duty to forces unknown -
invisible rules denying our profundity,
hidden amongst a lack of nudity,
the absence of love leaves us all bare.